Rather than seeing those things as his responsibilities and privileges as a parent, the narcissist expects such treatment from his kids, often turning the adult-child relationship upside down. In the narcissistic family it is common for adults to parentify their children, expecting them to meet their emotional and even physical needs and fulfill roles beyond their maturity level or rightful responsibility. The parentified child may be placed in the role of therapist, confidante, or even surrogate spouse. That child, or others in the family, also may be burdened with excessive chores, caretaking siblings, managing finances, or earning money for the household. But parentification is an extreme violation of boundaries , and the parentified child is being used at her own expense to meet the needs of the person whose job it is to meet hers. To rule the family, with the goal of managing their dysregulated self-esteem , narcissist parents are always looking for ways to divide and conquer , breeding doubt and distrust and isolating family members from one another.
Parentification: 5 Signs Your Kid Is Parenting You
Working with Families and the Parentified Child | Muir Wood Teen
Meyers was parentified as a kid when her mom used her as a therapist. As an adult, she grieved the childhood that was taken from her. When an adult realizes that they were parentified and missed out on a carefree childhood, they may become sad or angry. If responding yes to these questions, you were parentified. As a result, you may struggle in adulthood with depression, isolation, and anger.
Are you a Parentified Child?
Everyone plays different roles at various points in their life. As a child or teen, the role is to play, focus on school, have minor responsibilities, and to make mistakes. But, everyone is not given the right to be a kid. Some are robbed of a childhood through parentification.
Boundaries are a big deal when it comes to abusive families because they can be distorted in so many ways. A more misunderstood boundary problem is that of enmeshment. In reality, we struggle to assert our autonomy. Enmeshed families completely blur the boundaries between parents and children. We essentially become extensions of our parents.